In a relationship, married or not… You should read this. Marriage.

In a relationship, married or not… You should read this.
Marriage.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

I saw this on the internet.. I thought I would share this on Facebook to my FB Friends.

20 Fakta Unik Dan Lucu Antara Lelaki Dan Perempuan

1. Rata-rata perempuan tidur lebih lama 1 jam pada waktu malam dari pada laki-laki.



2. Bayi perempuan cenderung lebih cepat berjalan dan bercakap, bayi laki-laki 2 bulan lebih lambat.



3. Lebih banyak kehamilan dan kelahiran dengan komplikasi (gangguan) waktu mengandung bayi laki-laki berbanding bayi perempuan.



4. Rata-rata berat otak laki-laki lebih berat 1,4 kg daripada berat otak perempuan.



5. Pergantian kelamin lebih banyak dilakukan oleh laki-laki.



6. Perempuan kurang mampu menahan sejuk disebabkan permukaan kulit yang lebih besar, sehingga lebih suka pada suhu bilik yang lebih hangat.



7. Laki-laki lebih suka bercakap secara terus terang sesuai tujuannya, sementara percakapan perempuan terputus-putus dengan keraguan dan perasaan. Disebabkan serabut penghubung antara belahan otak kanan ( intuisi ) dan kiri ( logika ) lebih sedikit pada perempuan. Sehingga ekspresi perasaan lebih mudah terjadi pada perempuan.



8. Perempuan lebih baik indra penciumannya disebabkan tingginya hormon estrogen yang diketahui sebagai aktivator reseptor penciuman.



9. Perempuan mempunyai 75 % lebih banyak kelenjar keringat/peluh ( yang menghasilkan bau badan ) daripada laki-laki.



10. Kemampuan indra laki-laki untuk mengecap rasa masam, manis dan masin lebih rendah daripada perempuan.



11. Lebih dari dua kali ganda perempuan cenderung homoseksual (menyukai sesama jenis) pada usia 45 tahun daripada laki-laki.



12. Pada saat usia tua perempuan mengalami keguguran rambut, pada usia yang sama sebahagian besar laki-laki mengalami kebotakan. Kebotakan disebabkan produksi berlebihan dari hormon androgen (hormon laki- laki ).



13. Berselisih dengan perempuan pada tempat orang ramai, laki-laki menghadapkan tubuhnya menghadap perempuan yang dilewatinya. Perempuan cenderung membalikkan badan, sering secara tidak sadar menempatkan tangan di depan badannya untuk melindungi dada.



14. Kira-kira 48 % laki-laki berdengkur ketika tidur, manakala perempuan hanya 22 %.



15. Laki-laki lebih banyak memilih warna merah, dan perempuan warna biru.



16. Perempuan rata-rata menghabiskan masa di toilet selama 153 saat berbanding, laki-laki 113 saat.



17. Satu berbanding empat, perempuan dibanding dengan laki-laki yang bercakap adalah gagap.



18. Penyelidikan di Amerika, perempuan menggunakan waktu hampir 2 kali ganda untuk berbelanja berbanding laki-laki.



19. Perempuan secara umum lebih menentukan corak dan gaya pakaian yang dipakai.



20. Penyelidikan yang dilakukan di England, anak laki-laki lebih mudah dibohongi/diperdaya daripada anak perempuan.

Keluar rumah : Beritahu atau mintak izin suami dahulu..?

"Alhamdulillah, sejak kebelakangan ini, saya makin banyak menerima kes daripada klien lelaki. Bukannya seronok kerana berpeluang bertemujanji dengan lelaki tetapi bersyukur kerana saya diberikan kepercayaan untuk mendengar dan memberikan jalan penyelesaian terhadap kes-kes mereka. Terkini, seorang suami bertemujanji menerusi penggilan telefon, meminta kepastian tentang ketaatan yang wajib bagi seorang isteri terhadap suaminya termasuk tentang izin keluar rumah dan melakukan sesuatu tindakan.



Menurut lelaki ini, isterinya selalu memberitahunya tentang sesuatu tindakan atau untuk keluar rumah tika perbuatan atau tindakan tersebut hampir berlaku. Contohnya: "I dah janji dengan kawan nak ke pecan jam 3 ni." Masa tu, hanya beberapa minit ke jam 3 dan si isteri dah pun bersiap nak keluar. Nak larang? Mesti bergaduh besar la, katanya.

Saya yakin, bukan lelaki tersebut sahaja menghadapi masalah sedemikian kan. Ya! Tindakan dan perlakuan si isteri yang serupa kes tadi bukanlah satu tindakan yang dibenarkan oleh syarak. Hukum syarak menetapkan seorang isteri perlu mendapatkan izin suami untuk melakukan apa juga tindakan dan perbuatan termasuk untuk keluar daripada rumah walaupun untuk bekerja, ke pasar atau tika berdepan dengan kes-kes kecemasan. Diriwayatkan pada zaman Rasulullah SAW, seorang isteri diberikan pengiktirafan oleh baginda Rasul kerana tahap ketaatan yang tidak berbelah bahagi kepada si suami. Menurut riwayat, si suami terlibat dalam perang berjihad ke jalan Allah.

Dalam tempoh tersebut, si isteri yang ditinggalkan di rumah didatangi seorang saudaranya daripada kampung mengkhabarkan tentang ayahnya yang sakit tenat. Si isteri hanya menjawab: "Baliklah dahulu. Suamiku tiada di rumah." Tak lama, saudara tadi berjumpa sekali lagi dengan si isteri, mengkhabarkan ayahnya telah meninggal dunia. Si isteri masih berikan jawapan yang sama: "Baliklah dahulu. Suamiku tiada di rumah." Tidak lama, si suami pulang daripada berjuang. Si isteri memberikan sepenuh layanan kepada si suami termasuk layanan intimasi. Bila yakin si suami mendapat layanan sebaiknya, barulah si isteri mengkhabarkan berita tentang ayahnya. Saya yakin, anda boleh baca tentang kisah ini dalam banyak buku panduan wanita dan isteri solehah.

Dalam konteks perbincangan kali ini, kisah ini adalah sebagai panduan betapa seorang isteri perlukan izin daripada suami dalam setiap perkara hatta kes kecemasan sekalipun. Memang itu kehendak hukum syarak, bukan kata saya atau kata alim ulamak lainnya. Dapatkan izin ya dan bukan beritahu. Terdapat perbezaan yang besar antara dapatkan izin dan beritahu. Kalau anda beritahu dan suami tak izinkan, anda tak boleh lakukan perkara yang anda hajati tersebut. Lantaran, bagi memudahkan urusan dalam kehidupan seharian, saya selalu praktikkan meminta izin daripada suami secara umum: Saya mohon izin untuk keluar rumah bekerja dan lakukan perkara-perkara yang penting dan perlu untuk keperluan diri dan keluarga. Bukan bererti dengan izin umum tersebut, tak perlu lagi izin suami. Masih perlu tetapi izin umum tersebut jika dalam keadaan suami tiada di depan mata saya atau sukar nak hubungi suami.

Namun, dalam zaman serba mudah dan canggih ini, tiada erti susah dan sukar nak dapatkan izin suami. Sekelip mata, anda boleh maklumkan dan dapatkan izin suami. Paling penting, perancangan awal. Jangan pulak dah janji dulu dengan kawan kemudian baru minta izin dan cakap pulak, dah janji dengan kawan. Itu ertinya memaksa suami bagi izin. Kalau izin dalam keadaan terpaksa, sama lah seperti izin tanpa rela dan redha suami. Jika terjadi apa-apa kesan daripada izin terpaksa tersebut, anda boleh dinobatkan sebagai isteri nusyuz.

Walaupun begitu, terdapat pengecualian di dalam perkara tertentu iaitu hal keganasan rumahtangga, tika membelanjakan wang hasil pendapatan sendiri dan hal-hal keselamatan. Jika anda adalah mangsa keganasan rumahtangga, sering dipukul dan dibelasah oleh suami, tak perlulah dapatkan izin suami untuk keluar rumah nak buat aduan ke balai polis dan dapatkan pemeriksaan perubatan. Janganlah lurus bendul pulak. Jika anda adalah mangsa keganasan dan anda mula bimbang dengan keselamatan diri anda dan anak-anak, anda boleh keluar daripada rumah walau tanpa pengetahuan atau izin suami tetapi pastikan anda buat aduan ke balai polis berhampiran dahulu. Nyatakan tujuan anda keluar kerana bimbangkan keselamatan diri anda dan anak (jika ada) disebabkan tindakan suami yang bertindak membahayakan keselamatan dan nyawa anda. Kemudian, buat aduan ke pejabat agama pula. Ingat!! Hanya yang membahayakan keselamatan. Jangan merajuk ja dah keluar rumah kemudian buat laporan polis.

Dalam membelanjakan hasil pendapatan sendiri, tak perlukan izin suami tetapi suami boleh memantau dan campurtangan jika perbelanjaan yang dibuat bukanlah perbelanjaan yang perlu dan wajar menurut syarak. Dalam kes keselamatan berkaitan penyakit atau kelahiran, jika doktor mengesahkan anda perlu lakukan sesuatu demi keselamatan nyawa anda tetapi suami tidak izinkan, tika ini anda boleh mengenepikan izin suami. Dengan syarat, membahayakan nyawa. Bukannya kemaslahatan sosial atau kewangan ya...Perkahwinan adalah perkongsian, hormatilah pasangan anda dengan dapatkan izin untuk lakukan sesuatu, bukan hanya izin suami tetapi juga izin dan beritahu isteri... kerana isteri berhak ke atas anda, sama seperti anda juga berhak ke atas isteri anda...